Exhibit A

As my first effort clearly illustrates, I need MT to tutor me in the ways of MS Paint.

(It's a graphical depiction of my blog title)

And so the pain continues

It hurts so good - Mr. Mellencamp was right. Though I'm guessing he wasn't singing about breaking in a new saddle...I can just barely sit. It's an interesting phenomenon, this saddle business.

My bike came with a seat I not-so-lovingly called "the ass hatchet." After about a week, I bought a different seat.

I went for a nice, Italian-made brand the pronunciation of whose name you would never guess based on how it's spelled. Anyway, it was like sitting on a heavenly cloud compared to the ass hatchet, so all was well with my world. Until I noticed that on long rides the new saddle was, well, not terribly conducive to healthy blood flow. Yeah, you know where.

Hence my most recent saddle purchase (state income taxes are good for something - I've gotten a refund every year I've lived in Wisconsin and have dutifully blown those refunds on biking supplies for the past 3 years - and I know, a refund indicates that I've loaned the state my money interest-free. But if they have my money, I don't, and sometimes that's a good thing. But I digress).

The latest saddle has been medically proven in independent testing to retain more than 80% of the normal blood flow down below. Much to my surprise, the saddle makes a huge difference. I can tell there's better blood flow. Unfortunately, the saddle has memory foam where your "sit bones" contact it. And I'm guessing that until the memory foam develops a memory of my posterior, the saddle shall remain ... slightly unpleasant to sit on.

So here's the choice: possible impotence or sore sit bones.

I may not be able to sit on the couch tonight for more than 5 minutes at a time, but I will at least be able to have kid(s). Someday. Please god not soon.

Sitting is overrated anyway.

And so the pain begins

Today I began 'training' for my 50K charity ride. By training I mean a 20 minute ride just to sort of ease back into riding. I started the winter with the best of intentions, and I even kept up with riding indoors on my stationary trainer for a while but holy...trainers are so boring. I actually read cases for class while riding to prevent my mind from pulling a Homer ("whoo, this sucks, I'm outta here") and leaving my body in a crumpled heap on the floor.

When the trainer got too boring to handle (November), I got some rollers. Big mistake. I'm not that coordinated and I don't know where I ever got the idea that I was. Rollers really aren't that hard to use, but I'm just really that challenged. In case you're wondering what rollers look like or what they are, check out Kreitler's website. They make pretty much the most awesome rollers on the planet, which means I can't afford them. I got a used set of another brand. At any rate, with rollers increasingly not looking like a viable option and the trainer leading me to contemplate drinking while riding, I just sort of let it all slip.

Flash forward to today. I look at the calendar. I have a month and about 14 days to go from riding 0K to riding 50K. I hate riding in the rain, so I probably have about 20-24 training days to get up to 50K. No biggie, but I really gotta get on this.

So today I get the bike out, go for a little ride. It's cold. Grey. Raining. Was that snow? Shit. But you know what? It was a blast. I had a pretty wrong shoulder problem last fall that was making riding pretty unpleasant. Today nothing hurt (except my lungs and my pride). It was actually fun again. I'm going out again tomorrow. Woohoo!

Mmmm...pearl jam....

I'm really digging the first 2 cuts off the new Pearl Jam album. Very tasty. Just thought I'd share. Although I notice that Ticketmaster is selling tickets for their shows...hmmm...

I think there's a pretty simple way to account for the discrepancy between PJ's angry-at-the-man music and their apparent willingness to whore themsel...I mean team with notoriously evil Ticketmaster: the Krusty defense.

That's right. Remember the Canyonero episode of The Simpsons? I kind of do and I think it goes something like this. Krusty goes all George Carlin, decries the evils of celebrity endorsement and selling out, and gains quite a devoted following of adoring fans who love to hear him stick it to the man.

But toward the end of the episode, Krusty's standup routine takes a turn for worse as he shills for the Canyonero, a behemoth SUV. Someone puts the question to Krusty: How could you do it? How could you turn your back on us like this? His tortured response: They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house.

So, PJ, hats off. Your music is really on track again. Seriously, it sounds awesome. And if I were in your place, I'd be selling and licensing everything possible to squeeze every last penny out of my celebrity. So, if anyone gives you shit over sticking with Ticketmaster (even after your nasty little spat back in the '90s), just whip out the Krusty defense.

Granted, it may not be as compelling as the Chewbacca defense, or as clearly awesome as Accident Prone's emergency-only plan, but the Krusty defense does have its merits.

Ergo,

I've been eating Creamette pasta ($0.99 per lb.) in various forms for the past, oh, month or so...

(see last post, especially the tip/tab portion near the end)

Me like eat good food

The Hot Date and I went to L'Etoile (used to be owned by Odessa Piper - if that name is unfamiliar to you, do yourself a favor and google it) for a rather belated Valentine's Day dinner recently. Tory Miller is now the chef, and by all measures is faithfully carrying on the Alice Waters/Odessa Piper mode of doing things.

It was really something.

If you're ever in Madison and looking for thoughtful, perfectly-made and -presented food, you have to try it. L'Etoile uses local, organic foods whenever possible - they even have special meals where they invite the farmers to come and talk with guests over special tasting menus featuring the farmers' products. We didn't attend one of those, but the menu was still great - varied enough, but without an overwhelming run-on list of options.

Our server brought us an amuse bouche of warm beet soup topped with raspberry-infused cream. For first course, I had a mixed green salad with toasted hazlenuts, stravecchio cheese, and a mild, yet elevated, lemon dressing. My entree was a 7 oz. tenderloin of locally-grown, grass-fed, Scottish highland beef. It was served with organic spinach, creamed potato, a stock and red wine reduction, and a heavenly nob of herb and bone marrow compound butter. The butter melted from the heat of the food and finished the sauce as I cut into my steak - a nice touch. I asked for the steak "just medium" and it was. Since it was a weeknight, I just had a glass of the house cab, which was just as you'd expect - perfect.

The Hot Date started with an impossibly refined heirloom tomato soup, poured at table service over a crouton topped with 10-year old cheddar cheese (this IS Wisconsin, afterall), onion and bacon - all ingredients organic and locally produced. Her entree was jumbo sea scallops with a crab cake, mache salad, and toasted pumpkin seeds. When I asked how it was, she had persistent difficulty verbalizing, so I figure it was pretty tasty.

Then there was dessert - fresh, homemade drop doughnuts sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with melted chocolate dipping sauce. Even my decaf americano was perfectly prepared and expertly served with the cup handle at 4 o'clock. Which reminds me - the service was actual, real live professional service. The waiter knew his shit. He took our used silverware and brought us new stuff. He crumbed the table. He understood the preparation of all the menu items. He got a $25 tip on a $120 tab.

A perfect meal.

After the Last Big Snow

Uber Busy

Work just got really hard again. Blogging is hereby granted a continuance until such time as I can make some free time.

Who the hell is Harold Adelsperger?

And, more importantly, why is he/she/it emailing me about "my prescriptions"? The only thing I can figure out, aside from just chance, is that there's some link between Mr. Adelsperger and a search I was running earlier for Asperger's Syndrome. I'm pretty sure that at least one person I know has it...

Anyway, I maintain several email addresses (some of them in the same sense that I "maintain" this blog...ahem...) in a feeble attempt to cut down, or at least more equitably distribute the various spam emails I receive. I seem to get a lot of spam. I'm adequately endowed, I don't give money to anyone, and I have no intention of ever going to a high school reunion, so why don't all the spammers just piss off?

Existential Crises

Well, crap. Why does everything trigger an existential crisis for me lately? Drove to Chicago last night to pick up a hot date at the airport and as I'm fighting for my continued existence on the I-90, I start thinking, "How do I know the airplane is even in the air?" Then I nearly got run over, so I snapped out of it. Like when you go into a class in the morning and the sun is out, but then you leave in the afternoon and there's snow everywhere. While you're inside, you have no idea that it's snowing. There's some serious Heisenberg shit going on in my mind right now...

Anyway, Congrats to Moral Turpitude, who has reportedly found some full-fat sour cream to sate her cravings. Incidentally, MT is the only human (other than yours truly) to have actually read this blog. I thank thee for thy continuing patronage, MT. All hail!

Today

Wie ist das Wetter?
Es schneit, ja.